Consider this your lefty-style trigger warning: I am about to talk about sex. Nothing too graphic, but if you prefer to keep your reading on the vanilla side, then this is an entry you may wish to skip.

"Kink" refers to a broad range of things, but mostly the world of BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism). It's restraints, roleplay, and a whole bunch of other things that ADULTS may enjoy.

There was an interesting piece in Politico a few years ago that found that Republicans and Democrats had different fantasies. The former fantasized about sex outside their marriages; the latter liked BDSM.

https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2018/10/27/sexual-fantasies-republicans-democrats-politics-221919/

The best explanation: fantasy often involves what we aren't supposed to do or to like. Republicans support traditional marriage; Democrats support gender equality. Each side fantasizes about the alternative.

That's a broad generalization. I'm not going to bore you with my own fantasies, except to say that while I'm politically on one side, my fantasy life is omnivorous (maybe because I was once on the left?).

I'm fearful even to acknowledge that I HAVE fantasies. It would not be controversial if I were not a public figure. But when you are in public life, especially as a conservative, people use it against you.

Nevertheless, I'm really tired of hiding from myself -- not just in sexual ways. I keep my politics hidden sometimes, for example. I need to live more authentically. It feels shameful to be ashamed.

Back to sex: I'm not into anything too crazy. But I like beauty and a sense of adventure. My wife and I have enjoyed a wonderfully playful erotic life for the 18 years we've been together (married 13 years).

The Jewish religion is somewhat more liberal, in the classical sense, about sex than other monotheistic faiths. The Talmud says that, in the context of marriage at least, lovers can do whatever they want.

I sometimes marvel at the frequency with which Jewish males seem to get into sexual trouble in public life, and I wonder if it's because they're secular and therefore misdirect that religious, sexual energy.

My wife and I also practice what is known as "taharat mischpacha" -- the Jewish laws of family purity, which is a cycle of abstinence that starts with a woman's period and continues for seven days after it.

Part of the idea, a rabbi explained to me once, is that absence keeps desire burning. In the 12-14 days in which you cannot touch each other, your wife becomes the "other" woman (see Politico, above).

I think that's fun -- and I think kink can perform a similar function. When one partner is restrained, the other can enact his or her full desires; the restrained one can experience feelings in a pure sense.

Roleplay is also fun. It introduces a sense of silliness and delight, and allows you to experience alternate states of consciousness. And all of this without drugs, alcohol, or anything that is actually unhealthy.

I think I've said enough. It's not the kind of thing I'd bring up in an open forum or at work, of course. But I also want to stop being afraid of who I am and what I like. This is a way of overcoming that fear.